As soon as I wrote this morning I figured that a short early hike was better than no hike at all, so I schlepped out to SNP and was on the path by 11. It was a short (six miles), fairly easy hike so I was done by 3. At least it took up some of my day.
One of the things about hiking, or any activity, is that it keeps me from thinking. When you add the audible books I listen to (currently Dostoyevsky's "The Idiot") it takes my mind off of thinking.
I can tell you this. When you are in my situation and you start thinking, it's not about the first time you held your baby. You think about every mistake you ever made, every person who screwed you over, everytime you said A when you should have said B, every time a sweetheart told you that you were not the right person and why you deserved it.
If you think that being alone, and lonely, and having nothing to do is depressing, think of every thing that has ever gone wrong in your life at the same time. No wonder the real homeless drink and do drugs. It would drive me crazy. But I have hiking ... and hope.
As John Lennon sung in Whatever Gets You thru the Night:
Whatever gets you through your life 'salright, 'salright
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