job application

I HAD to apply for this one.

http://maine.craigslist.org/acc/1717405469.html

Old rocks and trouble falling asleep

Shouldn't have thought about 1.2 Billion year old rocks. I started thinking about things being older which led to no beginning and no end ... AKA eternity. Eternity scares the hell out of me because I can't understand it. No end is easier to grasp than no beginning. What was "before" the Big Bang? Anything? Was it an eternity of nothing? In mathematics I learned that a line has an infinite number of points. (Believe it or not, the proof is amazingly simple.) But that means that a two inch line has the same number of points as a 100 miles long line even though the 100 mile long line has many points that are not on the 2 inch line. Both have an infinite number of points. But infinity is infinity and nothing is larger.

So I started trying to comprehend no beginning and no end, but with us all being mortal, does it matter? And that is what kept me from falling asleep.

I want to be infinite.

PEOPLE IT'S EASY FOR ME TO HATE

what happened to: "DRILL BABY DRILL?"

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/29/us/29spill.html?hp

damn it's cold

time to get in the car. 30's last night and tonight. Oh, BTW, it will be mid 80's Friday and close to 90 by Sunday. I wasn't going to do my indoor day this weekend, but if it is 90 degrees, I may change my mind.

Lunch table for one

In NYC the season has begun for outside dining. Many people wonder what allure street dining has in Manhattan amongst the crowds, noise, fume spewing trucks, dogs and homeless walking by, etc. I once saw a cartoon in the New Yorker that pictured a family eating at an outside cafe and the mother admonishing the children: "Hurry up and eat before your food gets dirty." Yet I am one of those who would rather wait for an outside table than be seated immediately inside.

If you remember the picture I painted of dining next to the waterfall in the canyon, or with the waterfall on one side and the valley and mountains to the other, forget them. Where I ate today is where the gods would have their lunch. Of course there was the stream, and the thick verdant forest. But in the stream were boulders, the size of horses, and rhinos, and elephants, and all sizes and shapes in between. The water poured over, and around, and under, and roared like a train, and so overwhelmed all other sounds as to instill a peace in that valley. Those boulders were millions, if nor tens or hundreds of millions of years old. (The oldest rocks in the park are 1.2 BILLION years old.) And on a dead tree was a scarlet tanager, so common, yet so seldom seen.

I climbed one of the boulders and sat on it dining like royalty, or a god. Not a bad table for one.

there has to be a better way

I applied for a government job....LOL

Yesterday I spoke to someone at the organization and he said that they really need someone but that he heard that they weren't even going to begin to look at applications until 3 - 4 WEEKS after the closing date. Since the closing date was April 20, it's a long time to go.

YOUR GOVERNMENT AT WORK

lou gehrig - or As good as it gets - or What goes down must go up

Today's hike of 8+ miles was rated as "Very Strenuous" and that was spot on. I doubt if it had 10 feet of level ground and went down a couple of thousand feet before it climbed the exact same amount. I took it today because it was in the 50's and windy and cloudy and will be in the 80's by week end. So it was today or never. OH, I took it because it passed 7 waterfalls.

What does this have to do with Lou. Well, a few weeks before he died, interestingly enough, of Lou Gehrig's disease, he gave a speech at Yankee Stadium in which he said that he considered himself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. Personally, I normally wouldn't put dying and luckiest man in the same sentence.

HOWEVER ...

My sister recently lost a dear friend in a freak accident. Another dear friend, who reads this, has Parkingson's and probably has not had a pain free day since she was diagnosed months ago. She and I used to jog together and had made plans to hike with our dogs. Speaking of dogs, she had to give up some physical therapy because her dear dog, a great friend of Guy, had torn ligaments in two knees and she opted to pay for Ranger's operations rather and gave up the PT. In my last job I worked for an organization that provided services to homeless LGBT kids who were thrown out of their homes for being fags, trannies, and queers. My job before that was with an organization that worked with special needs kids, those with intellectual, physical, emotional, or developmental disabilities.

I'm definitely not a glass half full type. It seems life sucks for so many dear sweet people and it doesn't get any better.

For those of you who know me, you know that I am a minimalist. I don't need a lot (ALTHOUGH IS A DECENT CUP OF COFFEE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!!!!!) I live in a subcompact. Yet, my days are spent doing something I really love (although I AM SORE AS HELL RIGHT NOW!!!!) In a way I have all that I need. How many people can say that? So, if this is as good as it gets, it ain't that bad, especially when you read the "HOWEVER" paragraph.

However, if it IS as good as it gets, that is a very depressing thought.

MAYDAY

No, except for a job I'm not asking for help. But I planned on May 1 being my date to head north, and with the temperature in the 80's starting on Friday, it is understandable. Summer is on its way and Ive always said that it is easier to put on six layers than take your skin off.

But Luray has been such an easy place to live these past few weeks. I'm going to hate to leave it to start searching all over again.

What's worse

I have sent out some resumes and received emails or phone calls asking for times to set up phone interviews. I got excited then never heard from them again. I think that's worse than never hearing at all.

But both situations are discouraging. There's little out there; seemingly even less for an HRW.

Monday - 5 PM

The weatherman finally got it right. It's pouring. I did get in a little hike today, but escaped a major thunderstorm. So I will sit here and read until it stops.

Better than being homeless, right?

wow

I can't even begin to describe today's hike. First, I met several people who had backpacked this weekend and had passed sights that I had seen this week. Since the weather was so much different it was as if we had been at different places. That is so awesome.

Then today the forest seemed to take on a different personality every hundred yards or so. There was one area that was so overgrown that the path was barely a line. Another place had an acre of dead trees with their trunks burned, probably from lightening. Since there was no canopy the ground was like a lawn, lush and green. And there were hundreds of new growth trees, taking the place of the burned ones.

Another place had this majestic oak, enormous and presiding over its domain. No other trees would dare to challenge its dominion, even though it was dead and decaying. It still held court.

Every hike has its own personality. The contact that I have with fellow travelers, and with the forest, keeps me sane.

a new tradition

Uncle Buck's on Sunday mornings. Really isn't a bad way to wake up. Plus the coffee seemed better today.

damn again

got a couple of hours in this morning and am now in the library listening to Tosca and charging my laptop and it is bright and sunny out there. o well.

Humanity

I often talk about how I do so many things just so I don't lose my feeling that I am still part of the human race. It's supposed to rain today but I woke to the sound of raindrops on my windshield. It appears to have stopped for a few hours so I am headed out for a quick couple of miles. We overdid it yesterday so four miles is more than enough for today. Plus I want to listen to TOSCA on Live at the Met which would be difficult hiking unless I did the ridge for the third time.

Plus the library is only open until 2 today and closed tomorrow so I have to get everything charged. The outside location that has electricity is only partially covered so I won't be able to charge my laptop constantly, like now.

I have my book, the opera and two movies to keep me busy (The Hurt Locker and The Blind Side.) So I guess I am set for the weekend and can pretend for two more days that I am on a camping trip and there's a couple of days of lousy weather to endure.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG - BETTER THAN EAGLES

Another once in a lifetime experience. It was very warm today and Guy and I were walking up a steep path when we crossed what was no more than a trickle. Being a kind and considerate owner I stopped and told him to take a drink. (For some reason he won't drink unless I tell him it's OK.) When I looked up the path I saw at least two and maybe three bears about 20 - 40 yards ahead of us. Immediately, I bent down and grabbed Guy's collar so he couldn't even strain against the leash. I looked up and didn't see the bears at first, then saw two of them at the side of the path drinking from a large puddle. I remained crouching but they must have heard or smelled us because they scurried off into the brush. At that time I only saw a cub and a larger bear, presumably the mother. I waited until long after they were gone to continue and kept Guy on a very short leash for another mile because I heard some thrashing in the brush.

Now, although I wasn't close enough to have seen their eyes, that was close enough for me. I may be unemployed and homeless but it's not everyone who gets to see black bears in their habitat only a couple of dozen yards away.

NYC

After all, this is the Post, best suited for wrapping fish. However, no matter how they spin this news it isn't good, and I am less and less likely to return to the city.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/crime_spree_hits_subways_swbb8CVvJlDcGTrKRkz7VP

I found a book

In fact, I found a couple that I had bought when things were flush but I never read. Now I have something else to do on the rainy weekend facing me.

SIGH (good sigh)

no news is good news

after the lousy, literally lousy, beginning of the week, surviving through to Thursday is an accomplishment.

Still in Luray

What a hoot? My wanting to stay in a little religious town in Virginia. Tells you how priorities change. But until it gets too hot I'll stay here. As I said previously, it has all that a homeless person in a car NEEDS. I just wish that there was some decent coffee ad food. But I don;t have the money for the latter and even 7/11 coffee isn't so bad that it makes you throw up.

As long as the weather and hiking hold up, I guess you'll find me here.

I could be wrong

looks like the rain may be leaving the area. Headed to the hills.

when bad things happen

I've had a string of bad things happening.

How many of you have lost money, or a cell phone, or had something stolen, or drop an expensive bottle of wine, or any number of things like that?

Now how many of you have found money, or a cell phone that you could use, or stole something, or have someone randomly give you an expensive bottle of wine?

Why do bad things happen constantly but the chances of hitting the lottery is millions to one? Then we say how lucky we are to have good kids, or grandkids, or we have our health. Why do we consider it so lucky to have things that we SHOULD have because those things are part of being human?

Just random thoughts on a rainy day.

who ordered this rain?

damn farmers. guess I'll spend a lot of time in the library. It's not one of those misty days in which I could hike. It's a steady, soaking rain that is great for crops, miserable for being outside, and great for comforters and tea.

The homeless don't have crops, comforters, or tea. They huddle in their sleeping bags in large groups under bridges and underpasses.

I've got a car, Guy, and libraries. I can survive the day.

Everything in threes

My transmission is slipping in all five gears. I feel like giving up.

a second nightmare

large itchy welts all over me. Looks like the Budget Inn gave me bedbugs. How do you exterminate a car?

One of my nightmares

I think my shingles has returned!!!!!

BORED - the worst thing

After I left the motel I took Guy for a walk on the Greenway and did laundry. Now I am bored. I wanted to take a second day off from hiking as both Guy and I were limping from overdoing it. But there really isn't much else to do.

One of the worst things about this situation is the lack of opportunity for reading. Even if I could get books (obviously I can't afford them and no library will lend to me) there was little chance to read until now because it was too cold to just sit around. Soon, it will be too hot.

Can't please some people

the best things

about motel night is that when I leave I can actually pass my comb and brush through my hair and my fingernails are spotless.

Of course this lasts only a day but it is a nice day.

Nice Weekend

I did something Saturday that I seldom do. I duplicated a hike. It was a long hike along a ridge line and was very pretty. But the real reason I did it was that Live at the Met broadcast La Traviata, my favorite opera, and it would have been impossible to pick up in the deep valleys. I thought that I would pick up a station out of DC but I actually heard it on a station out of West Virginia. Seems that I was on the west side of a slope and DC is east of here. (That's why I carry a compass....lol)

Then of course yesterday was in the motel. I'm here for a couple of more hours. I don't want to think of it or I'll get depressed.

Ahhh

As I lie here drinking cheap wine an watching "Angels and Demons" I think how nice it is to feel alive.

Sunday, Sunday

Today is motel day so Guy and I jut finished cleaning the car (I cleaned. He napped.) And we are at a park bench waiting for check in time. As I've said, this place is great that I can surf the web while sitting in the sun and mellowing out on a Sunday afternoon.

Where is Spanky and Our Gang when you need them?

the social contract

Sounds like socialism, eh? First, let me rant. Since this is my BLOG I'll do it anyway.

I HATE the idiots, mostly Tea Partiers, who complain: "That's Socialism and this is a Democracy.." IDIOTS!!!!!! First, if they would ever care about their beloved Pledge of Allegeance past the unconstitutional "under god" part, they would realize that it says: "...and to the REPUBLIC for which it stands..." NOT "...and to the DEMOCRACY for which it stands...." The United States is a Republic NOT a Democracy.

Secondly, that is like saying : "I'm not German, I'm a male." A democracy, or Republic, is a political system. Socialism, like Capitalism, is an economic system. So the United States is mostly a capitalistic republic, with some socialist aspects, e.g. Social Security and Medicare.

I bring this up because a dear friend spoke of the changes to the State of Florida's contracts with teachers changing the medical coverage, pay methodology, retirement provisions, et. al. I'm not sure how much of it is contractural with a teacher's union and how much is "understood" and/or the beliefs of the individual when sie takes the job.

However, it is not that different than my situation. After doing what I was told to do for all those years, with an anticipation that I would have a job for doing what I was told for all those years, is there a social contract? Does my friend have one? I'm not talking about all the welfare class individuals against which my friend and the tea partier's complain. I've already agreed that the liberals screwed up in allowing a permanent welfare class and not demanding some individual responsibility from recipients of any form of welfare. I'm talking about people such as my friend, who rely on a system only to have it taken away from them at the end, or me, who would readily accept a job, even as a Park Ranger, if one were available.


What, if anything, are we "owed" by the system on which we relied? If you say "nothing" then you are a true Capitalist and a card carrying member of the Tea Party. The more that you think that the "TRULY"needy who depended on the system should be repaid for such loyalty, the closer you are to Socialism. If you think that a true welfare state is how it should be, in my opinion, you are an idiot, which brought me to my description of the Tea Partiers, because that is far from true Socialism. True Socialism, if you remember your civics, says: To each according to his needs. From each a according to his abilities." So in a true Socialist state there would not be welfare without some work, but there would also be work for all those who desired it? Add that the more that you did, the more that you received..... hmmm, almost sounds like Capitalism, eh?

Comments?

back to Uncle Bucks

Why not? It's a great breakfast at a fantastic price. (But the coffee)

Also, I get to listen to the Bluegrass Gospel Hour. Praise Jesus!!!!

Seriously, I like bluegrass in the right context and sitting quietly on a Sunday morning with a cup of coffee (or a reasonable facsimile) while reading the NYTimes (on the web) is the right context.

Go Figure

I woke up feeling relatively human this morning. Gotta enjoy it while it lasts.

topics

I seem to write a lot about hiking and what it must be like to be really homeless. I could write every day about my hiking. It's what keeps me sane and feeling human. Today was rough. I am so tired of falling asleep at a Walmart, and waking up at a Walmart, and stinking so badly that flies follow me while hiking and having a rat nest not a head of hair. It makes me wonder why we all do it? So if it weren't for the hiking who knows where my thoughts would wander.

The homeless thing is so simple. Today was in the 80's, tomorrow in the 50's. Once again, if it weren't for the hiking the homelessness would rise to the surface.

So it is the yin and yang of my life. I so want a job and a place to lie down after a long day and a cup of hot tea when I am cold and a cold beer when I am hot. Is that too much to ask? I can't stop wondering what is so wrong with me that I can't have something so simple.

Man I am SOOOOOO glad that I got the advanced degree and did the military thing, and the church thing, and raised two kids to be productive citizens. Gee, imagine what would have happened if I were a fuck off. I'd be unemployed and homeless.

Feedback

Now that I have comments down and how to edit the reactions, let me know what the reactions should read for you to give me meaningful feedback. thanks

just wondering

how does a town the size of Luray, with a little over 2K people have 3 chinese restaurants?

Why I hike - Part 4 (I think)

If you remember seeing the real pic of Mcafee's knob, you know it is a place that you can see as far as you can see. The day I was there it was kid of clousy but I really didn't care.

BUT, if you can picture that place with an outcropping over a valley and you can see forever, and combine it with the waterfall I described a few days ago, then triple the beauty, and I was there a couple of days ago.

The hike wasn't bad except for the last half mile which found me about mid point of a 90' waterfall to my left. Ahead and to my right was a valley with mountains beyond them and mountains beyond them. The only reason that it wasn't as peaceful as my prior description was there were two other hikers. One was a 20 something oriental who worked in Pentagon City. The other was a self described flabby 35 year old past his prime rock climbing days. And me.

And all we could say was "This is why we do it." We had nothing in common other than that. So for all of you who skydive, or scuba, or hike, or collect butterfly wings, that was a day of "that is why we do it" and you all understand.

Close to time to move

Yesterday was windbreaker day again, but it looks like I will be scaring the wildlife again because it will be very warm. In a way I dread leaving for the north. This place is practically perfect for a HRW: safe place to sleep, plenty of restroom facilities, wireless everywhere, and plenty of hiking opportunities. In fact, I just discovered another wealth of close place to hike that could keep me busy for months. It's just so hard to find places like this. I know there aren't many in the NYC area. Maybe upstate or NE. But I will gut it out here as long as possible. Now, if there were only a chance for a good cup of coffee.

I'm only a quarter Polish

YEAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

I finally figured out how to post a picture of me and, more importantly, how to show the comments. Thanks to everyone who has posted one!!! (SALLY????? At least the oldies post should have meant something to you since "Twelfth of Never" was one of the depressing songs I heard!!!!)

Once again, thanks to anyone reading this.

DEPRESSED

ADVICE - NEVER LISTEN TO OLDIE STATIONS WHEN YOU ARE HOMELESS AND JOBLESS. LIFE IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH.

(and yes, I was yelling - at myself for being so dumb!!!!)

Vultures

I have to say that they are maligned for no reason. Sure they eat carrion, but something has to do it. Just think of what the cat dragged home. Not only that, but they do fly as beautifully as hawks and eagles. Besides, what do you think that eagles and hawks do with their prey once they get it home.

Any bird that can soar like that is OK with me.

A tree grows in Brooklyn

It's my current "read" from audible and I had to laugh. The wife said, "well, if it's a free country then that should be free." The husband said "no, that'd be socialism and america is a democracy."

Plus la change!!!!!

April is the cruelist month

Yesterday I was hiking in a sports bra, working on my tan, terrifying the wildlife except for the two vultures who kept circling overhead (what's up with that?)

This morning I had on a long sleeve, a sweat shirt, and a windbreaker. Then around 11 it started misting and showering and never got out of the 40s. I even wore gloves. At least I could hike in the mist (which I love) and warm up in the car. But it was a miserable day.

Once again, a horrible day to be homeless.

Front Royal

Got thrown out of the WalMart parking lot last night. Had to find another place to sleep. Looks like Front Royal will not be a stopping place although I had planned on spending some time here. Its loss, not mine. So, if you are in the area, stay in Luray, not Front Royal.

comments

I've heard that some people couldn't post comments. I changed some settings. Please comment as much as you wish. I'd love to have feedback.

Luray, Va - a formal apology

Although I still can't find a good cup of coffee, I must admit that life here is easy. There is a brook that cuts through the town and along the brook they have built a Greenway. Next to the part that goes under Main Street is a town square. The square has a little performance stage and many benches. However, the best part is that it has great free WiFi. So I am sitting next to the stage, plugged in with power probably used by the performers, doing everything that I've been doing in a library. Since it is almost 10:30 it is already very warm so I wouldn't be able to be in the library very long because of Guy. But we are sitting in the shade, or in Guy's case sleeping in the shade, hunting for jobs and reading the various sites that I read every morning.

The best thing about it is that there are port-a-potties, very clean, so I don't have to search for restrooms.

We walked along the Greenway this morning and it is stocked with brook trout so there were many people fishing. There were plenty of water fountains, and a port-a-pottie every half mile or so.

There is a list of all the performances at this site and the local Performing Arts Center, and although it isn't Carnegie Hall, there is plenty for the locals to do.

Hmmm, free WiFi, clean facilities, electrical outlets, a safe place to sleep, and plenty of water. NYC can learn a thing or two from Luray.

Sleeping

Although not the RV convention like wherever I was, there were a couple of them at the Walmart and I park in the middle. I can't tell you how much better it is to sleep when you feel totally comfortably safe.

I'm in Luray

Don't ask. I have no idea where I am. Think of Podunk. Then cut it in half. One place (besides Mickie D's) to buy coffee.

I must say, though, that breakfast at Uncle Bucks really is good. A Build it yourself omelet atuffed with tomato, mushroom, and swiss for $5.50 with toast and potatoes. I may be able to skip lunch, I'm so full.

It did take them a few minutes to figure out their WiFi but they were great about it and found me a place at the bar (obviously not open on Sunday morning) so that I could have an outlet.

So if you are in Luray, try Uncle Bucks. Although there ain't nuthing more (I'm getting used to the vernacular) it's worth it.

Waterfalls

A dear friend called last night!!! :>)

We talked about the three waterfalls on my hike yesterday and wondered what it is about waterfalls that make us hike miles just to see them.

Why I hike - Part 3

Fold an 8 1/2 X 11 piece of paper in half, lengthwise, then open it up to form a V. Make it the color of dead leaves. Never mind, make the sheet of paper out of earth, and cover it with crushed leaves. Then put rocks on the surface, large boulders as big as a house, small pebbles, and everything in between. But don't spread them out evenly, make it random, but save a lot for the center of the V. Then put in trees, hundreds of trees, with leaves just beginning to open in the spring, but so many of them that you can barely see the sky. What you can see of the sky is so blue as to almost be black with a few small puffs of white barely moving. Now raise on end of the paper so that it is like a hill with a 60 foot waterfall at the top and a large stream on the bottom. So much water is coming off the waterfall through the rocks in the V that it is all you can hear.

Now find a flat rock about halfway up and take off your day pack and take out a sandwich and drink for lunch and just sit there, in the quiet roar of the water and the cool warmth of the sun.

For fifteen minutes yesterday my world was peace and beauty.

gotta love April

from 92 degrees to 42 in 36 hours. good sleeping weather. also good schlepping weather.

oops

the reason I titled the last post as I did was that it really didn't start raining until about 5 so I could have eked out a full hike. I have enough time on my hands without the weatherman screwing me out of a couple of hours of activity.

damn weatherman - Why I hike, Part 2

As soon as I wrote this morning I figured that a short early hike was better than no hike at all, so I schlepped out to SNP and was on the path by 11. It was a short (six miles), fairly easy hike so I was done by 3. At least it took up some of my day.

One of the things about hiking, or any activity, is that it keeps me from thinking. When you add the audible books I listen to (currently Dostoyevsky's "The Idiot") it takes my mind off of thinking.

I can tell you this. When you are in my situation and you start thinking, it's not about the first time you held your baby. You think about every mistake you ever made, every person who screwed you over, everytime you said A when you should have said B, every time a sweetheart told you that you were not the right person and why you deserved it.

If you think that being alone, and lonely, and having nothing to do is depressing, think of every thing that has ever gone wrong in your life at the same time. No wonder the real homeless drink and do drugs. It would drive me crazy. But I have hiking ... and hope.

As John Lennon sung in Whatever Gets You thru the Night:

Whatever gets you through your life 'salright, 'salright

ugh

looks like some nasty weather this afternoon. The hikes may be short and sweet, if at all.

weather

29 degrees above average. perfect hiking weather..... if you're a camel

where am I?

wherever it is I may change my mind and decide to stay a couple of days. After trying to find a place to eat and sleep last night I finally decided to fall back on the Walmart option. If it didn't work I would head north ten miles to a rest stop and just keep going today. The Walmarts in Fredericksburg and Roanoke didn't work out. In fact, I thought the one in Roanoke was definitely unsafe. So when I pulled into the one in (wherever I am) I was delighted to hear that the Yankees were beating Boston 5-4 with one out in the bottom of the 8th and Joba coming in to pitch. OOPS, sorry, wrong story. Seriously, it was like an RV convention. Finally, a Walmart like those I was reading about. I spoke to one of the camper owners and he was telling me how ALL the Walmarts allowed it. So I finished up listening to the Yankee game (they won 6-4) and then fell asleep until the stupid bird woke me up to see the stupid sunrise.)

Since I have a safe place to sleep, good hiking, and the temperature will drop into the 60's by Friday, I may stay a couple of days. (It reached 92 here yesterday)

stupid bird

why did it think that I wanted its incessant tweeting to wake me up to see a beautiful sunrise?

arrgghhh

too much to blog. Having survived Jesus Zombie day in Roanoke I left this morning. Having seen way too many religious t-shirts (remember that this is the home to Liberty College - aka Falwell U) I was ready to go. The trees were blossoming there. But 60 miles north, where the Skyline drive starts, the trees are still bare. That didn't keep it from getting close to 90 degrees and push new records. It's hard to believe that 3 months ago I was enduring a white out in the mountains of montana.

So I stop at a Mickey D's to get some wifi and the car next to me had its window open and the father was lecturing the kids on the glories of the Tea Party and I guess that they are going to a march in DC later this month. I was going to stay here a few days.

I don't think so now. I gotta figure out what to do but I don't think that this area is in my long term plans.

thank you

I know that I have several readers. Some have emailed me. Some leave comments. I'd like to thank you all. It gives me a connection with people that is hard to have with this "lifestyle."

ugh

legs are still sore. I think I'll just stay in bed until check out at noon, then laundry, a short walk with Guy, and an easy day. Back to real life tonight, then headed north tomorrow. I know that I said it before, but this time I mean it.

great decision

I overdid it yesterday; climbing two mountains and hiking over 9 miles. Today, my legs are so sore I can hardly move. I took a short (3 mile) walk with Guy earlier on very level ground and have been just laying in bed since I got here. Good decision to make tonight the night.

I'm human - part 2

I had a can of salmon from my time in Portland and I bought some fresh veggies and made a salmon salad with broccoli, onion, tomato, lettuce, and asparagus with a dash of mayo and dill. I'm topping crackers with it and am drinking a pinot that I bought in Florida in January.

I wish I could enjoy it and forget that tomorrow I am back in the car.

i'm human

it's 4:20 (ironic, eh) and I am human for the next 19 hours.

motel day - funny

I picked today for many reasons. I want to get a place every ten days or so but I am low on money and so much is closed for Easter, including the one mall in Roanoke, so I waited a couple of extra days. I had the decision of Saturday night and try to find things open from noon to ten tonight or Sunday night and have to keep busy today until three. I picked the latter because there are always coffee shops for the morning. But most importantly, baseball opening night, Yanks vs Red Sox is on ESPN 2 tonight. Hopefully, my hotel has that.

But the funny thing is that Barnes and Noble is open although the mall is closed. I am sitting in the outside atrium in the shade with Guy using B&N's WiFi and doing the NYTimes Sunday Crossword. So I am now the duty expert about the mall being closed. In the past hour I have been asked close to a dozen times if the mall is closed. DUH, there are signs on the doors. But the real funny thing is how exasperated people are at the closing. Hey people, it ain't my fault.

definition of bummer - part 2

writing a long blog entry and finding out that it didn't post.

defiinition of bummer

having insomnia and having to toss and turn in a subcompact.

why I hike

I can't tell you how boring and useless it seems when you have nothing to do, no place to stay, and no place to go. I've watched the "real" homeless walk aimlessly around town, meeting with each other, just standing there. It's no wonder that they drink and do drugs. It helps minimize the pain of loneliness and nothingness.

But as long as I have "somewhere to go" and "something to do" no matter how made up it is, I'm not "really" homeless and I have something in the future to have hope in and I can pretend.

Pretend is nice.

How dumb can you be?

Of course I'd give up George Clooney for Johnnie Depp.



Maybe

Jesus Christ Superstar

It is an Easter "tradition" for me to listen to this CD. I used to watch the DVD but the CD gives me more flexibility. It often brings me to tears. I really wish that there were a god so I could believe in the afterlife and that things will be better. But it's BS. A loving "father" doesn't cause pain to his children so they can enjoy things later. I want an afterlife in which I sit on god's lap and "he" says: "It's OK. You don't have to worry or do anything any more. I'll take care of you." But it's not to be. There's hunger, and war, and disease, and it ain't any better when we're worm food. So I watch/listen to JCS and wish for things that will never be.

I also long for a land "over the rainbow."

long weekend

WOW just what I needed, a long weekend. That way no jobs are posted for an extra day. Good thing I get this extra day to rest from the demands of doing nothing.

ugh

money is tight this week and I just had to spend $20 I don't have. In fact, I had to break into my laundry quarters to pay for this morning's coffee.

As I was stopped at a red light leaving the grocery store a "bum" tried to hit me up. The guy was several bricks short of a full load and I mean he was in sad shape. At first I said that I had nothing for him. He wandered across the road. Then I looked at the strawberry container from yesterday that I had just finished and the V8 juice jar that I had just finished and I honked the horn as the light turned green. I was almost in tears for the guy as he turned around and I gave him four quarters out of the laundry fund.

Sometimes this world just sucks.

headed north - in a way

I "left" Salem as I did all the hiking I can there. So I found a few hikes and they are all about 10 - 15 miles north. So I'll stay in the area a little longer. No real reason to head up there too quickly as there are no job interviews in the offing and there is no reason to be cold again. Although at nearly 80 degrees today, it was a rough hike.

Netflix

getting back to the real homeless. Sunday night it was pouring so hard that I didn't even give Guy his last walk that night. Instead, I watched "In the Air." Being depressed, that was NOT the movie to watch.... BITCH!!!!!, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD GIVE UP GEORGE CLOONEY FOR ANYONE????????? But I digress. I have it really easy when I have the opportunity to stay dry, and can watch movies occasionally to offset the boredom of living in a small car. It has to be miserable for the true homeless.

more on hunger

I stopped for my fruit this morning and saw strawberries on sale. Now everyone knows that the best was to eat strawberries is mixed with ice, banana, rum, powdered sugar, and a tablespoon of frozen limeade all mixed in a blender. However, given that I don't have a blender in the car, eating them with my dry cereal and coffee this morning was an adequate substitute. There have been a few nights that I screwed up my timing and ate too early and I was hungry when I went to sleep. However, let's face it, when you are buying strawberries, even on sale, you aren't hungry. I remember one of the homeless men in Fredericksburg, picking up a can of spaghetti O's and thinking that was going to be his breakfast. Kinda sucks being him, eh?